Healing is a journey. Learning is a journey. Creating a new lifestyle is a journey. All of these journeys take time and do not happen overnight. I am beginning to understand that more each day.
As I learn and create this new lifestyle that involves caring about myself, I find that I am healing so many other issues in my life. Friends who read this blog will find some of what they read as surprising.
Fear of success has been an enemy of mine for a long time. I would back down when it appeared that I was losing the discussion so as not to cause a confrontation. I would set aside my wants and needs to ensure that the needs of others were taken care of. I hid behind my weight and allowed it to be my mask. I made sure that I was always kind, caring and generous to a fault…why is the next logical question you are asking – I didn’t want the ‘fat’ girl to feel any more pain than she was already covering up.
Over the past six months, (remember my journey started in September with Dr. Moazzez), my journey has been about learning and healing. The first big “A Ha” I had was that I have nothing to fear but fear itself. Yes, I know the intellectual side of this but I am learning the emotional side for the first time. It is okay to feel pretty, laugh and have fun without being judged. To care for others while caring for myself, to be kind to others while being kind to myself and to be generous while being generous to myself. It is okay to be the center of attention when necessary while letting others be on center stage when appropriate. For my career, that means, I am learning to lead by letting others lead. For my personal life, it means that I speak up and protect my “me” time. It means that I put myself first when it comes to taking care of my health, well-being and energy.
For the past two months, I have learned that eating does not mean that I am hungry – it means that I need certain amounts of good nutrients to sustain my energy and muscles. Making sure that I get 50 grams of protein and 64 ounces of water are my two main priorities every day. I never thought I would see myself sitting at a meeting with Isopure instead of coffee and cookies. Or going to dinner and eating eight (8) tiny bites of meat over 20 minutes and thinking – wow! that was really good. Then taking the rest home with me for two or three more meals. (It sure helps with the grocery bill!) But most importantly, it is part of the journey that is giving me improved health, increased energy and a new attitude!
I celebrate the close this post with a total of 55 pounds and 27.5 inches gone and celebrating my success 2 months post surgery! And in clothes that do not have a W after the size!
Until next time…